So I thought it through and talked it over a great running buddy, Doc, and my boyfriend.
Consensus is "if it doesn't make you happy, don't do it." It's rather sad because running has made me happy for the better part of 13 years.
Doc and I talked it over for the better part of 20 minutes. He's worried that running may actually be doing harm based on my description of feeling toxic and smelling foul. But he says since my neurotransmitters and adrenals are so low, I need more happy things in my life, so can the running for now.
Boyfriend was really supportive too and he totally gets it. He's been worried that I overtrain, so not running for a while is good for the both of us I think. If I ever feel like going for a jog, I'll do it. But not unless I totally want to.
So I talked to one of my best buds, Gail, and she might be in for doing a relay at the Peachtree International Triathlon. Yay! Our other buddy, Chris, is probably doing the event as well to help prepare for Nationals. It'd be fun to go with both of them. :) If Gail ends up not wanting or not being able to run the 10K for me, I'll register for the aquabike instead. Then wait for Chris at the finish line. :)
Rather excited about doing aquabike events. Tri the Parks has a division for it as well. More of Georgia Multisport Productions's events are including aquabike. Should be fun.
I'm also on the look out for some century rides. It'd be more of a milestone for me since I've never done something like that before.
So I'm going to have to rewrite my tentative training plan. We'll see how it all works out.
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Monday, September 16, 2013
Time for a Restart
Within the last 6 months, I've had a number of fresh starts. Some of which were unexpected and initially unwanted. However, I have found myself in a much better place.
At the end of August, I fell horribly ill. I had gastro-enteritis and a bacteria infection. I lost 10 pounds in 30 hours. I was severely dehydrated and malnourished because everything I ingested went straight through and never got absorbed. I had fever after fever of 102+; I got tired of constantly taking showers. I had to call my very awesome buddy to pick me up and take me to Urgent Care. It was quite an experience.
A week later was my final race of the season, but I was so weak that I became exhausted just walking from my car to my office. Doc grounded me from the race. I knew it was coming, but it still sucks.
So I still haven't started working out again. It's been about a week or so since my appetite has returned to normal and I'm able to stomach most foods again. I haven't been eating like I should, but I haven't been eating complete junk either.
I'm also staying at a friend's place for a couple of months while I get my finances together to buy a new place. Well... He is a great friend, but he's my amazing new boyfriend as well. Funny how when you become happy with yourself, that happiness is increased ten fold when you find someone completely compatible with you.
Nice thing is that I have a lot of support for getting back into that alkaline diet. Now that my weight is back to near normal, I'm about ready to start juicing a bunch and dabbling with exercise.
I lost a lot of muscle and all of my fitness to that sickness. I have no idea how to get back into training. Hell... Now triathlon season is over; this gives me a great opportunity to actually plan a full year of training and racing -- the right way instead of my half-assed way.
Doc gave me orders to start working out again this week. I have to start with 20-30 minutes of super light cardio and very light weight training. My energy levels have been real low by the end of my workday So I'm going to have to force myself to do this. Good news is that I have access to a fitness center so my number of excuses have diminished. Wait a sec... is that good news or bad news? ;)
Monday, June 10, 2013
Bad weather and racing
I will be the first to confess I am quite a "fair weather" runner/cyclist/whatever. I have run in the rain, snow, sleet, extreme heat, extreme humidity, pretty damn cold, etc. I cycled in rain, extreme heat, and extreme humidity. Hell! I've even ridden a street bike in thunderstorms and hail! (Ninja 250 at the time -- now I have a ZX-6R)
I'm a complainer just like most other athletes that I've met. We can have a perfect race course and perfect weather and we'll still complain. Swag, aide stations, fee, parking, swim cap color -- you name it and we'll complain about it.
When I did the Peachtree International Triathlon, I knew ahead of time the weather was iffy. I still went. Sure it sucks, but gotta face it sometime. What I didn't expect was to see so many people packing up and leaving 20 minutes before race start.
At first I thought they were leaving because the swim was cancelled. When other racers mentioned that the people were leaving because it was raining and they didn't want to ride in the rain, I was a bit flabbergasted. What the hell? I am not hardcore, but the rain won't kill you. Sure it makes riding a bike a little more precarious, but nothing major. If you ride smart, you'll be fine. If you go balls to the wall, you'll get what's coming to you.
I figured that they were all sissies. I mean, seriously? I don't enjoy riding in the rain. If it's raining on a ride day, I'll postpone it. Swap it out with something else. But seriously... Quit a race before it starts? 10-30 minutes before it starts? Really? What sissies.
Then a fellow DMer posted that same weekend about her ordeal at a race. She's hardcore too. I admire her discipline and performance. She kicks ass. Evidently, Pennsylvania was getting some horrible rains like we were in Georgia. She showed up for her race that Sunday and the race directors announced that they cancelled the swim due to thunder. She was going to continue anyway, but she noticed that the roads were in rough shape because of the amount of rain. When set up in transition, all her gear got soaked even though they were plastic bags. (That is rather demoralizing.) She debated and thought it through. She then packed up her gear and went home. Granted she said she cried in the car for a while before driving home.
What was her reason?
She was there alone and knew no one else at the race. She rides hard and that race was only just a warm-up race for a bigger event weeks later. If she crashed and got injured, her husband would not be around to help her. Hell, he may not even find out something went wrong until a long time later. If she crashed, that could also hurt her chances at performing well at her "A" race later. Perhaps she would wreck the bike -- costing lots of $$$ and potentially not be in working order for her "A" race.
She had a lot of things to balance. Is she afraid of riding in the rain? No. But for her, the risk of injury, being alone, and damaging the bike was too high. Why test fate?
Do I think she's a sissy? No. The way she told the story, it sounds as though she made a selfless decision. It also sounded as though it broke her heart to make the decision.
Looking back at all the people I watched pack up and go... Do I still think they are all sissies? For the most part. Especially by the look of them, they gave the impression that they were wimps. What are the chances that some of them may have a similar to story to my fellow DMer? It's there, but I definitely wouldn't count it in the majority. It's probably rather small.
My reasons are my own. Fellow DMer had reasons of her own. Those couple hundred racers who left that day had reasons of their own. What are yours?
I'm a complainer just like most other athletes that I've met. We can have a perfect race course and perfect weather and we'll still complain. Swag, aide stations, fee, parking, swim cap color -- you name it and we'll complain about it.
When I did the Peachtree International Triathlon, I knew ahead of time the weather was iffy. I still went. Sure it sucks, but gotta face it sometime. What I didn't expect was to see so many people packing up and leaving 20 minutes before race start.
At first I thought they were leaving because the swim was cancelled. When other racers mentioned that the people were leaving because it was raining and they didn't want to ride in the rain, I was a bit flabbergasted. What the hell? I am not hardcore, but the rain won't kill you. Sure it makes riding a bike a little more precarious, but nothing major. If you ride smart, you'll be fine. If you go balls to the wall, you'll get what's coming to you.
I figured that they were all sissies. I mean, seriously? I don't enjoy riding in the rain. If it's raining on a ride day, I'll postpone it. Swap it out with something else. But seriously... Quit a race before it starts? 10-30 minutes before it starts? Really? What sissies.
Then a fellow DMer posted that same weekend about her ordeal at a race. She's hardcore too. I admire her discipline and performance. She kicks ass. Evidently, Pennsylvania was getting some horrible rains like we were in Georgia. She showed up for her race that Sunday and the race directors announced that they cancelled the swim due to thunder. She was going to continue anyway, but she noticed that the roads were in rough shape because of the amount of rain. When set up in transition, all her gear got soaked even though they were plastic bags. (That is rather demoralizing.) She debated and thought it through. She then packed up her gear and went home. Granted she said she cried in the car for a while before driving home.
What was her reason?
She was there alone and knew no one else at the race. She rides hard and that race was only just a warm-up race for a bigger event weeks later. If she crashed and got injured, her husband would not be around to help her. Hell, he may not even find out something went wrong until a long time later. If she crashed, that could also hurt her chances at performing well at her "A" race later. Perhaps she would wreck the bike -- costing lots of $$$ and potentially not be in working order for her "A" race.
She had a lot of things to balance. Is she afraid of riding in the rain? No. But for her, the risk of injury, being alone, and damaging the bike was too high. Why test fate?
Do I think she's a sissy? No. The way she told the story, it sounds as though she made a selfless decision. It also sounded as though it broke her heart to make the decision.
Looking back at all the people I watched pack up and go... Do I still think they are all sissies? For the most part. Especially by the look of them, they gave the impression that they were wimps. What are the chances that some of them may have a similar to story to my fellow DMer? It's there, but I definitely wouldn't count it in the majority. It's probably rather small.
Why did I continue in the bad weather?
- I had driven there and stayed in a hotel the previous night. What a waste of a trip.
- I hate riding in the rain, but I'm sure so do most people. We couldn't make it stop raining. Might as well deal.
- I have had near perfect racing conditions for triathlons the past 2 years. I gotta pay my dues.
- Everyone else is racing in the same conditions.
My reasons are my own. Fellow DMer had reasons of her own. Those couple hundred racers who left that day had reasons of their own. What are yours?
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
One step forward and yanked right back
It's been 2 weeks since I've seen Doc. I was supposed to see him Monday of last week, but I was asked to do an interview for department head. Probably not a good idea to say no... Lol. So I cancelled it. I was kind of busy the rest of the week, so I opted to wait another week. I figured, "I'm feeling decent. I don't need to see him when the problem isn't as bad." That was the wrong idea! Lol. 2 days after my missed appointment, I started having severe pains again. DAMMIT!
I took Friday-Sunday off. Kind of by accident. Friday was on purpose. I originally planned on doing a Bike-Run on Saturday, but I decided to meet online friends at a local race they were doing. Then I went out to lunch with a childhood friend that I hadn't seen in a while. Then it was home to take a shower and pack up for my band's gig. Nevermind then! Sunday I had a ton of housework to do. Was planning on riding with a friend to help with riding up hills. Her chain broke. Then after a few more passes, we opted to go to her "happy place" to go ride (the only flat stretch around town). That got cut short because of a major emergency back home. Oy vey!
Since last Wednesday, the pain has been worsening significantly. Today is the worst so far. Well each day has been in comparison the previous ones. I see Doc tomorrow. I'm taking a half day off from work to go see him. I have a race on Saturday and now I'm doubting whether I'll physically be able to finish. :(
Last week, I discovered I am physically capable of completing Saturday's 600M in close to 13 minutes. This was originally my goal for September! I thought like I could actually have a strong run too. The bike I'm still worried about though. I've barely been on the bike this year; so I was hoping my fitness would carry me through this one.
Now I feel like I have that Mac truck back on top of me. Now mentally I feel like I'm slipping into despair. Not cool.
Things were lining up so well for Saturday (except for the weather -- LOL). Now I'm back to where I was mentally 3 months ago.
Yes I am whining... I can do that if I want to... ;)
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Remembering Boston
Some people on this planet are just plain stupid. They're shitheads. Why bomb the Boston Marathon?! Seriously?! What did runners every do to anyone? Oh sure -- there's the whole "They wanted to hit innocent civilians/create panic/etc." But think about it... A marathon?!
In the United States, we have been blessed that the number of terror attacks has been rather small. Especially when compared to countries like Great Britain and Ireland. This is the first I've heard of anywhere that has happened at a marathon. What's next? Peachtree Road Race in July? Ironman World Championships in Kona? Tour de France? If anything, these events inspire people to become something better. It motivates them to take their lives into their own hands.
Guess you could say that the bomber(s) were hoping to dampen that inspiration and motivation. They are very sadly mistaken.
Runners, cyclists, triathletes, etc have a special camaraderie. It's not really a secret club or brotherhood. But we acknowledge that we are striving the same thing -- to push ourselves to the limit. We support one another, motivate one another, pick each other up, drag each other out of bed.... You name it.
One thing I've noticed about triathletes is that the support and motivation is much more common (and bigger) among them than it is among runners. But that's a soap box for another day. :)
If the bomber(s) were hoping to dampen the runners' spirits, they did the opposite. We have become stronger and closer because of it.
This morning, Big Peach Running Company (major running store(s) in the Atlanta area) did a mile run in memory of Boston at 7AM. Run a mile in silence. I wanted to go so bad, but I had to be at work. I'll be at a group run out of the Marietta store this evening. I'm sure it'll be a sad event, but together we're moving on.
Regardless of what the bomber(s) intentions were. We (runners) are moving on -- together.
I hope those responsible will be caught. I hope they get what's coming to them.
And I hope they find a "comfy" home in Hell.
Monday, March 11, 2013
My poor dog... :(
No she hasn't died. Not yet anyways. She is older (8-10 years).
But for the last 3-4 years, I (and my boyfriend) have been battling some serious health issues that came out of nowhere.
It's kind of a long story. Needless to say we've gone through 3 or 4 different vets. We have seeked out medical opinions online. He has done EXTENSIVE research on her conditions. We've changed her food, diet, habits, etc.
We've been battling a reoccurring yeast infection that covers her entire body. Which then causes bacterial infections on her skin and in her ears. Her face gets puffy. Gums are inflamed. Skin is hot. Skin is red. She gets hives, boils (which get pus covered), scabs, excessive dandruff (yellow colored), foul odor, skin turns black, fur loss... The works. "It's allergies" is the main reason we're given. We've done so much to change her environment. We even MOVED! Lol. Not for her exclusively, but still...
Needless to say she's miserable and the vet bills are getting annoying and breaking my bank account. I probably spent about $2000 last year on vet bills and meds.
My boyfriend recently took her to yet another vet, but one that the pet boutique we frequent recommends because of their holistic approach. They did some testing (the first vet who ever did!!). Results came back late last week. Her condition cannot be cured. She's stuck with living on antibiotics, steroids, allergy meds, and yeast killing meds to help manage it for the remainder of her life.
I guess the good news is that we could stop fighting this. This situation has put a strain on our relationship. Bad news is that this will never go away. Good news is that she's already an older dog, so it won't be for much longer. Bad news is for the same reason -- and she'll live out the rest of her days in a controlled misery.
So now I'm left with the option of getting an allergy test done to find the root causes. Unfortunately, this test costs $400 and I'm already on a tight budget. At first, we both were like "Why bother? She's old anyhow." But now he's thinking we should so then we could find a few more answers. That price tag sure hurts. And I haven't paid for her antibiotics & steroids yet.
Poor dog... She's my girl, my buddy, my pal, my sweetheart... Here I am trying to fix myself and I find out that I cannot even fix my dog. This gets me to wondering if I'll ever really get fixed.
It's kind of a long story. Needless to say we've gone through 3 or 4 different vets. We have seeked out medical opinions online. He has done EXTENSIVE research on her conditions. We've changed her food, diet, habits, etc.
We've been battling a reoccurring yeast infection that covers her entire body. Which then causes bacterial infections on her skin and in her ears. Her face gets puffy. Gums are inflamed. Skin is hot. Skin is red. She gets hives, boils (which get pus covered), scabs, excessive dandruff (yellow colored), foul odor, skin turns black, fur loss... The works. "It's allergies" is the main reason we're given. We've done so much to change her environment. We even MOVED! Lol. Not for her exclusively, but still...
Needless to say she's miserable and the vet bills are getting annoying and breaking my bank account. I probably spent about $2000 last year on vet bills and meds.
My boyfriend recently took her to yet another vet, but one that the pet boutique we frequent recommends because of their holistic approach. They did some testing (the first vet who ever did!!). Results came back late last week. Her condition cannot be cured. She's stuck with living on antibiotics, steroids, allergy meds, and yeast killing meds to help manage it for the remainder of her life.
I guess the good news is that we could stop fighting this. This situation has put a strain on our relationship. Bad news is that this will never go away. Good news is that she's already an older dog, so it won't be for much longer. Bad news is for the same reason -- and she'll live out the rest of her days in a controlled misery.
So now I'm left with the option of getting an allergy test done to find the root causes. Unfortunately, this test costs $400 and I'm already on a tight budget. At first, we both were like "Why bother? She's old anyhow." But now he's thinking we should so then we could find a few more answers. That price tag sure hurts. And I haven't paid for her antibiotics & steroids yet.
Poor dog... She's my girl, my buddy, my pal, my sweetheart... Here I am trying to fix myself and I find out that I cannot even fix my dog. This gets me to wondering if I'll ever really get fixed.
Friday, March 8, 2013
I've had enough
Really I have. I've been dealing with back pain since I about.... 10-12 years old. I've been fighting severe back pain since 2001 non-stop. Now I've been dealing with the issues in my neck & shoulder for about 5-8 years. It's gotten more severe in the last 2 years. Since January, it seems like it's gotten a lot worse, but it's mostly been lots of different types and sources of pain popping up randomly; worse yet is that it's all severe. Every couple of months, I have a mental/emotional breakdown. I work hard every day to block out the pain and every now and then I cannot take it anymore.
Today is one of those days. Actually, it started Wednesday night. But my breaking point happened today. I woke up pissed off. Two of my co-workers (and great friends) let me throw a nutty this morning before work. They found it hilarious. I almost called in sick to work today. But I had three reasons why I didn't:
I'm supposed to have goals for my triathlon season this year and I just feel dismayed. My first race is in 50 days. Kind of unsettling to me. I'm not where I should be training-wise except in swimming. I guess I should scrap all of my athletic goals for this year? "Just focus on getting better." Doc wants me to keep training; he says it'll help. I'm just limited on what I can and can't do. I have to make adjustments for my injuries.
Most of my co-workers and friends tell me that I'm nuts for doing triathlons, riding motorcycles, riding MX, etc. I've been told that my injuries have been signs "from God" that I should give it up. Days like today I do wonder why I even bother. I have to schedule my whole life around my pain. Rather inconvenient.
I know my boyfriend is tired of my complaining about my pain. I'm starting to think it may be straining our relationship. I hope not though.
I see Doc again today. I'm so over this pain.
Today is one of those days. Actually, it started Wednesday night. But my breaking point happened today. I woke up pissed off. Two of my co-workers (and great friends) let me throw a nutty this morning before work. They found it hilarious. I almost called in sick to work today. But I had three reasons why I didn't:
- I would see myself as a sissy for missing work due to excruciating pain.
- There have been a ridiculous number of absences in my department this week, that we are on the radar at the moment.
- What am I going to do at home? Sit around and mope about being in pain?
I'm supposed to have goals for my triathlon season this year and I just feel dismayed. My first race is in 50 days. Kind of unsettling to me. I'm not where I should be training-wise except in swimming. I guess I should scrap all of my athletic goals for this year? "Just focus on getting better." Doc wants me to keep training; he says it'll help. I'm just limited on what I can and can't do. I have to make adjustments for my injuries.
Most of my co-workers and friends tell me that I'm nuts for doing triathlons, riding motorcycles, riding MX, etc. I've been told that my injuries have been signs "from God" that I should give it up. Days like today I do wonder why I even bother. I have to schedule my whole life around my pain. Rather inconvenient.
I know my boyfriend is tired of my complaining about my pain. I'm starting to think it may be straining our relationship. I hope not though.
I see Doc again today. I'm so over this pain.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Inner Peace vs. Inner Turmoil
The memorial service for Goose was good. The Marine honor guard was great, but very haunting. Tons of tears were shed during the service, but lots of laughs were shared during the reception afterward.
Goose's death brings a lot of emotional turmoil for me. Training seems to help quiet it down temporarily. Friday I trained for my upcoming race. I did a 550 yard swim (two segments: 350 & 200), bike for 9 miles, and run for 2+ miles. I kept the effort level pretty low overall and still had better times than I did at last year's race. I find this amusing in some ways.
I noticed that each time I trained during the week, I found a lot of inner peace. It was a nice break from the sudden tears that seem to attack me randomly. I didn't get to swim much since my last lesson, but when I did I found myself more focused than usual. It was nice. I had a lesson yesterday; prior to it, I thought I might be unprepared for it. Bill said it best as we were getting ready to start: "Ready to focus only on swimming?"
When I'm not training, playing music, or writing, I'm pretty scatter-brained and spaced out these days. I don't know how to grieve. My depression and anxiety problems make me timid to have an emotional breakdown so I usually "suck it up" instead of having a good cry.
Needless to say, the lesson with Bill was great. My concentration faltered a little here and there, but he kept me on point. When we were finished I felt pretty woozy (blood sugar was low) and my shoulders tingled with pain, but I don't mind. The wooziness and pain is reminder that I am still alive -- of this I am very thankful.
Goose's death brings a lot of emotional turmoil for me. Training seems to help quiet it down temporarily. Friday I trained for my upcoming race. I did a 550 yard swim (two segments: 350 & 200), bike for 9 miles, and run for 2+ miles. I kept the effort level pretty low overall and still had better times than I did at last year's race. I find this amusing in some ways.
I noticed that each time I trained during the week, I found a lot of inner peace. It was a nice break from the sudden tears that seem to attack me randomly. I didn't get to swim much since my last lesson, but when I did I found myself more focused than usual. It was nice. I had a lesson yesterday; prior to it, I thought I might be unprepared for it. Bill said it best as we were getting ready to start: "Ready to focus only on swimming?"
When I'm not training, playing music, or writing, I'm pretty scatter-brained and spaced out these days. I don't know how to grieve. My depression and anxiety problems make me timid to have an emotional breakdown so I usually "suck it up" instead of having a good cry.
Needless to say, the lesson with Bill was great. My concentration faltered a little here and there, but he kept me on point. When we were finished I felt pretty woozy (blood sugar was low) and my shoulders tingled with pain, but I don't mind. The wooziness and pain is reminder that I am still alive -- of this I am very thankful.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Memories are fresh
I've had a lot happen in the last few weeks. Work got pretty hectic and last night was our final orchestra concert of the year. They played so well -- I am impressed. The compliments came flowing and still are. The principal was beyond impressed which is always good. :)
So last week I did pretty much no training. I think I ran twice? Lifted weight maybe once? I don't remember. It was quite a blur. Saturday was spent at a student's school recital. Sunday I finally got back into training -- thank God. It felt so good to get back to it!
I've had some music-related opportunities come up that has me very excited! I might be doing a chamber music thing in Chattanooga, TN, I'm trying to get a jazz combo together, I'm going to Montreal to perform with the Maryland Youth Symphony Orchestra (with my cuz Cullen -- he called me into it) and now I'm very excited about this bluegrass night at the Marietta Square. This has me pretty motivated for playing music again. I haven't performed with people much in the last 7 years and it has been killing me. This weekly bluegrass thing has me very excited though. It just a jam session with about 20-30 other musicians on the sidewalks of the Marietta Square. It was so much fun to watch yesterday. I promised a man that I would bring my bass next week and now I can't wait. I get to learn a new skill! Yes!
Monday while I was at work, I got a call from Dad. My cousin's husband, Bruce (aka "Goose), died of a heart attack Monday morning. I got very upset and left work within a couple of hours. After sitting at home doing some work stuff, I changed and went to the pool. I hadn't gone swimming since my lesson a week and a half ago. Thought I wouldn't get much done.
I was so surprised that I was totally focused and felt great in the pool! I finally stopped sinking when rolling for air. I felt rejuvenated. I felt smooth in the water and I felt strong. I plan on trying to go again tonight -- I hope it goes just as well as last time. I only have 10 days before the PTC SuperSprint Triathlon.
I went for a run afterward. I felt really strong then too. Things felt good overall on Monday.
The whole time I was training, I never thought about Bruce. However, as soon as I stopped, I started thinking about Bruce. :( His death was so unexpected. He has always been healthy. He is a former Marine who stayed in shape after retiring from service. He never had a care in the world. You could never have a serious conversation with the man -- he was too full joy and laughter. He raised a fabulous family. Now he's gone. Just like that. Our lives do go on, but coping sure is difficult.
I really didn't want to go to work Tuesday, but I had to do that concert. I couldn't postpone it and I couldn't just cancel it. Bruce wouldn't have wanted me to do that anyway.
If it wasn't for this stupid meeting after school, I'd go ahead and go home. I really don't want to be at work. Service is on Saturday. I'm going to see if I can take off work for Friday.
So last week I did pretty much no training. I think I ran twice? Lifted weight maybe once? I don't remember. It was quite a blur. Saturday was spent at a student's school recital. Sunday I finally got back into training -- thank God. It felt so good to get back to it!
I've had some music-related opportunities come up that has me very excited! I might be doing a chamber music thing in Chattanooga, TN, I'm trying to get a jazz combo together, I'm going to Montreal to perform with the Maryland Youth Symphony Orchestra (with my cuz Cullen -- he called me into it) and now I'm very excited about this bluegrass night at the Marietta Square. This has me pretty motivated for playing music again. I haven't performed with people much in the last 7 years and it has been killing me. This weekly bluegrass thing has me very excited though. It just a jam session with about 20-30 other musicians on the sidewalks of the Marietta Square. It was so much fun to watch yesterday. I promised a man that I would bring my bass next week and now I can't wait. I get to learn a new skill! Yes!
Monday while I was at work, I got a call from Dad. My cousin's husband, Bruce (aka "Goose), died of a heart attack Monday morning. I got very upset and left work within a couple of hours. After sitting at home doing some work stuff, I changed and went to the pool. I hadn't gone swimming since my lesson a week and a half ago. Thought I wouldn't get much done.
I was so surprised that I was totally focused and felt great in the pool! I finally stopped sinking when rolling for air. I felt rejuvenated. I felt smooth in the water and I felt strong. I plan on trying to go again tonight -- I hope it goes just as well as last time. I only have 10 days before the PTC SuperSprint Triathlon.
I went for a run afterward. I felt really strong then too. Things felt good overall on Monday.
The whole time I was training, I never thought about Bruce. However, as soon as I stopped, I started thinking about Bruce. :( His death was so unexpected. He has always been healthy. He is a former Marine who stayed in shape after retiring from service. He never had a care in the world. You could never have a serious conversation with the man -- he was too full joy and laughter. He raised a fabulous family. Now he's gone. Just like that. Our lives do go on, but coping sure is difficult.
I really didn't want to go to work Tuesday, but I had to do that concert. I couldn't postpone it and I couldn't just cancel it. Bruce wouldn't have wanted me to do that anyway.
If it wasn't for this stupid meeting after school, I'd go ahead and go home. I really don't want to be at work. Service is on Saturday. I'm going to see if I can take off work for Friday.
Monday, March 26, 2012
What was the cause?
In January, my boyfriend, Dave, had a friend pass away very suddenly without warning. The man was only 10 years older than Dave. Dave was a little unsettled.
Then within a week, I got a phone call from Mom. She called while I was at school teaching, which she never does. When I saw that it was her, I thought it was news about my Uncle Charlie (more on him later). It wasn't. Dad's boss's daugher, Ashley C., passed away on the previous Saturday morning. I worked closely with her in July & August of 2007 and we became friends. Unfortunately, we both meant to call one another over the years, but we constantly said "messages" through my father since he worked with her. Ashley C. was 31 years old -- I'm turning 30 in July of this year. ::shivers:: Needless to say that this bothered me a whole hell of a lot. Word is that she went to bed Friday night (alone -- she was single) and never woke up Saturday. An autopsy was done, but her parents are very private people and they never told anyone about the findings. The whole thing gets to me everyday still. Scares me that I won't wake up tomorrow. I'm a bit of a procrastinator (who isn't?!). I keep saying, "I'll run tomorrow," "I'll sew tomorrow," "I'll practice next week," etc. Truth is I can go at any time.
What Uncle Charlie?
Well Uncle Charlie has been fighting leukemia for years. It went into remission, but has returned since. He's been undergoing regular chemo & radiation treatments. Well last November, he collapsed a couple of times. The second time, Aunt Jackie couldn't get him up, so he was taken to the hospital. Uncle Charlie had heart surgery over 20 years ago to replace an artery or valve or something (can't remember!). Well that thing has worn out. However, he was very weak from the leukemia treatments so they hesitated to operate. But the doctors said they had no choice so they did operate on his heart. He induced into a coma afterwards to help him get stronger since he was in such a weakened state. They took him off the meds that put him in the coma a few days later. He hasn't awakened since. That all happened right before Thanksgiving weekend. As far as I know, he's still in it. :(
Plus there's Uncle Bill. He passed away from MRSA last July. Dad and I made a trip to Pittsburgh to say goodbye when the doctor told us that he had 3-5 days to live. Seeing him in that state has messed with my mind. :/ Not a fan! That's a long story and narrative all in itself.
These four things have struck a new sense of purpose and motivation in my life. While I haven't been as consistent as I wished, I have been doing a hell of a lot more activities each week. I've even broken a few old mileage records for running!
Then within a week, I got a phone call from Mom. She called while I was at school teaching, which she never does. When I saw that it was her, I thought it was news about my Uncle Charlie (more on him later). It wasn't. Dad's boss's daugher, Ashley C., passed away on the previous Saturday morning. I worked closely with her in July & August of 2007 and we became friends. Unfortunately, we both meant to call one another over the years, but we constantly said "messages" through my father since he worked with her. Ashley C. was 31 years old -- I'm turning 30 in July of this year. ::shivers:: Needless to say that this bothered me a whole hell of a lot. Word is that she went to bed Friday night (alone -- she was single) and never woke up Saturday. An autopsy was done, but her parents are very private people and they never told anyone about the findings. The whole thing gets to me everyday still. Scares me that I won't wake up tomorrow. I'm a bit of a procrastinator (who isn't?!). I keep saying, "I'll run tomorrow," "I'll sew tomorrow," "I'll practice next week," etc. Truth is I can go at any time.
What Uncle Charlie?
Well Uncle Charlie has been fighting leukemia for years. It went into remission, but has returned since. He's been undergoing regular chemo & radiation treatments. Well last November, he collapsed a couple of times. The second time, Aunt Jackie couldn't get him up, so he was taken to the hospital. Uncle Charlie had heart surgery over 20 years ago to replace an artery or valve or something (can't remember!). Well that thing has worn out. However, he was very weak from the leukemia treatments so they hesitated to operate. But the doctors said they had no choice so they did operate on his heart. He induced into a coma afterwards to help him get stronger since he was in such a weakened state. They took him off the meds that put him in the coma a few days later. He hasn't awakened since. That all happened right before Thanksgiving weekend. As far as I know, he's still in it. :(
Plus there's Uncle Bill. He passed away from MRSA last July. Dad and I made a trip to Pittsburgh to say goodbye when the doctor told us that he had 3-5 days to live. Seeing him in that state has messed with my mind. :/ Not a fan! That's a long story and narrative all in itself.
These four things have struck a new sense of purpose and motivation in my life. While I haven't been as consistent as I wished, I have been doing a hell of a lot more activities each week. I've even broken a few old mileage records for running!
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